Orphaned...

I wish this is the apt word to describe what I feel now, rather the state I have gotten myself into. There are times when you start off with your mind resisting all those persistent sweet nothings refusing to believe it is all love. Then there are those in between times when you have been given so much love, so much so that you cave-in to your hearts desires.

There is always the other situation, when all that one has given is love, so pure, so gentle, so tender from deepest of one’s heart. But then it was refused access every time it tried, every moment was a letdown and all that it felt was hurt. Then you go numb, you don’t feel the hurt anymore, mind persuades and consoles. There are better things life has in store.

What if this was a simultaneous process? One with all the love, the other always denying it.Then the other with all the love and the other one too numb? People need love, don’t they? What do they do?

Often always life moves on. Sometimes in love letting go of the other is the best thing to do. Clinging on can only worsen things, bad emotions! You are the one who taught me that isn’t it. My love for you is probably on the epitome. You are all that I see, all that I feel and all that I remember. I am willing to do all those things that you thought i wouldn’t do to have you.

Dumped ! This is what I have been trying to describe in all these words. My overwhelming emotions wouldn’t let me use the word.You have essentially become my life now! I promise I will not cling on to you now. I will not hinder all the love that you deserve to have. I understand there is no second place when it comes to love.

You leave me orphaned; leave me in a pain, called love!

 

Have you killed the me in you ???

When there is love, there in nothing like lover nor beloved.
When we are in love, there is nothing like you nor me.
If there was love, neither be it killed nor die,
But lived, sometimes with pain.

If it hurts, the healing wounds and broken wings.
If the rivers bleed and wings too weak to fly.
If you miss and killed the one in you,
Can you see the one in him ?

When there is nothing to be, there is no love, no lover, no beloved, no you nor me.  But Pain.

Her Words ...

"Through acrid days and arbid nights, thoughts of you fail to dissolve, fail to fade. What is it that you have been, are or done that maketh you one but indispensable? I writhe, I wallow, I cringe. Had you been a little less, my task, my burden would be much lighter. Or may be that you aren’t the reason why it all did start.


Is it too much that I ask for? Too hard to give?

Wandering through an arbour too good to be, one today I cannot reach for the way is winded, the way is long and I am by far wholly and unconditionally lost and all I can is try be but strong. The song of your being brings a tear to my eye and as each note transcends, and it traces its way down a mite, I struggle to evade thoughts that refuse to wane.

What we were and what we are today, like spring to autumn, so stark a change, that with angst I hope, all but in vain, for it to be a dream not meant to be. It fails me to comprehend where all of this may lead, but this one thing I can assure – for you, there, I will always be.

This time the rains were different ...

Sidharth was gazing out through the window. He could feel the tiny droplets of water gusing through the netted windows. From the 6th floor it was quite a view, he could see couple of umbrellas floating on the road. As if they were water lilies. He could hear the water gusing through the drainage pipes. And yes the train honking at a distance. As if it said, life had to move on.

Sanjivani brought the hot cup of coffee that she had managed to brew with the bare minimum. She placed them in Sidharths hands. It was quite warm , as warm as their relationship had been for over a month. He was a resident engineer with one of the leading realty projects. Her dad had mentioned that he was an engineer and an excellent one. He also added he would always keep you happy. She now hugged him briefly and went to fetch her own cup.

The past one month had almost been a heaven for her. In spite of his busy schedule he was able to avail more than a month s holiday. They didn’t go far, but the backwaters and the house boat were just the right place. They would snuggle and cuddle for hours together. Sidharth was slightly uncomfortable in his chair. Sanjivani rushed to him and placed his left leg on the coffee table besides him. There was a moment of silence and tears trickled down from their eyes.

Finally the day had come for Sidarth to get back to work. She almost had to push him out of the house and shut the door. A few hours later she received a call and was asked to rush to the hospital. Now Sanjivani took the crutches and placed it next to him. On that unfaithful day his right leg was crushed under a concrete slab. She leaned back against the wall besides him. Both of them were staring into the sky. Now they could hear another ambulance approaching the hospital and then they could hear the sounds of the rain.

George was on his newfound girl. He had just bought her. She was long and sculptured. He walked to try her all alone. And now there he was manoeuvring her in the rains. It was quite dark all around. The swell was very rough. It was a fine balancing act to keep her floating on the waves.

Sandra had just picked up her kids Joanne and Jonathan. Joanne still had the tiny doll which her father had bought her just today. Jonathan seemed ill and was clinging on to his mother. He kept saying that he wanted to see his father. It had almost become a routine now. Saturday was the day when George had his visitation rights.

George was by now satiated by his cruise on his new found joy. He had managed to anchor his 48 ft yacht even in this rough weather. He was all alone except for the darkness and the rains which had started to pour down. The yacht was swaying along with the waves. Water trickled from the Mclaren cap he was wearing. He could barely see the tallest tower of the world, he could see the horizon faintly. He had managed to build up his fleet of 13 ships last year. He was just becoming 30. Money will never be a problem.

They kept thinking “What if they had kept the fine balance in life”. How they wished everything could be washed away. Is money everything”

Rains and Joy had always brought happiness to her. Always much more than, she could handle. Sometimes so much more that tears would pour down from her eyes. But this time it was different, there was just not a drop of tear. It was raining and she could hardly hear the thunder roaring.

Anne and Joy were in love. That love so unconditional. Joy was a bit too old for the society to accept as Annes own; still they scribbled their love for each other in their own ways. From the first time they met at Annes house, to the times they laid exhausted in each other’s arms over a white blanket, life had taken its turn. Umpteen number of times they were on the phone with their sweet nothings and they would laugh at themselves over the little things they did for their momentary happiness.

Joy had managed to leave behind a remarkable corpse. He always remembered the times when his guardian angel managed to pick him up from the shallow waters and gave him a second life. He had managed to gather together lot of happy people around. He had married one fine lady who knew Anne so well. He had lovely children who used to call her aunt Anne. He did build a huge empire, just the way Anne wanted

People were in a hurry making all arrangements for Joys last travel. There was a little note in Annes had. Which read “Forgive me for all the good reasons you have given me to live so well, I could only give so much. Kiss me just once my love, that I wake up in yours, at least in the next”

Two Frames !!!

Life in my living room had become black and white. One fine day I decided to make it look colourful. I painted the wall in front pink. No, blue, sky blue. The wall looked beautiful with the light falling on it from the tall lampshade on the right. I was lying idle on my sofa, and besides me on the side table to the left was an old telephone.

Tring tring … it hardly rang but when it did, it brought nostalgia to my black and white mind. I had decided against the colourful mind. I thought maybe a picture frame in front might do the trick. When I went to the store it read, buy one get one free. I was quite happy with the deal. Now when I sat down on my couch I had two empty picture frames. Oh I decided to keep them empty.

I would sometimes wave my imaginary brush against the canvas in the frames. Slowly I kept adding colours to it. It was almost complete, just a little away from picture perfect. Then the phone rang with a different tone, maybe like ring ring. It was not the usual one. But then it brought colours to my mind. It told me to paint my wall all pink and I did. Then it told me that it would never ring again and there I was waiting for it to ring.

I overheard the pictures whisper; he is real funny and keeps us entertained. Why not be entertained, let the lights go off and let’s scare him to his wits. Let’s keep ourselves entertained. I emptied both the bottles of black and white again on to canvas, and there it was once again black and white. I sat back and looked at the wall, it had turned pink. Then the phone rang Tring tring. Yes the lamp was still standing tall.